Wanting Has a Chemistry

Imagine a private chef named Sol Marchetti who signs a new family, the Reyeses, for a dinner every Friday. It is a busy month, and she has three other families to cook for. So she sends the contract by email, and then she sends nothing for nine days. The night before the first dinner, she texts to ask about allergies.

The dinner is good, and the family keeps her on. Still, when Mrs. Reyes tells a friend about the first evening, she says that it “felt like a delivery.” In her telling, the food came and the chef came, and that was all.

For her next new family, the Lindqvists, Sol sends a note on the Monday before the first dinner, which is on Friday. It names the menu and the wine she will pour with it. It also asks which room the family likes to eat in. Mrs. Lindqvist reads it twice and tells a friend about the menu. By Friday, the family has been looking forward to the dinner all week.

Sol cooks just as well for both families. What changes is the week before the first dinner. Here is why that week matters, and what to put in it.

Wanting runs on its own chemistry

Kent Berridge, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, and two colleagues split reward into three parts. Liking is the pleasure of the reward itself. Wanting is the pull toward it. Learning is knowing what predicts it.

They report that the three parts are separate in the brain. Each one runs on its own chemistry to a large degree. In the lab studies they describe, lowering dopamine, one of the brain’s chemical messengers, cut wanting without cutting liking. They also report that a reminder of a reward can stir the wanting while the reward itself is still absent.

The step from a lab to a dinner table is the course’s own. Here is the step. A note that names Friday’s menu is a reminder of a dinner the family has not eaten yet. So the Lindqvists can want the dinner all week, before they have tasted it. The Reyeses, who hear nothing for nine days, get no reminder at all.

A mood from somewhere else follows a client in

Jennifer Lerner and two colleagues made people feel disgust or sadness in an earlier situation that had nothing to do with money. Then the people put prices on an object, some as sellers and some as buyers. Disgust lowered both prices. Sadness lowered the selling price and raised the buying price.

The feeling came from somewhere else, and it still changed what people would pay, with real money at stake. In the course’s view, a client brings the mood of their day to your first session in the same way. A client who has come from a hard meeting brings that meeting to your table.

You cannot choose the day a client had before they reach you, but you can choose what you add to it. The course suggests sending the chores early, such as the questions about allergies or parking. Then they do not land on a tired evening the night before.

A sign that you know families like theirs meets a need to belong

In 1995, two psychologists, Baumeister and Leary, reviewed the research on belonging. They found that people form ties with others easily and resist losing the ties they have. They concluded that the need to belong is strong and basic, and that it shows up nearly everywhere in people’s lives.

For a client, belonging means knowing they are among the right people. In the course’s view, one sentence can give a client that feeling before the first session. It shows that you know households like theirs. It tells them that their kind of family is expected here.

The music in a store changed which wine shoppers chose

In 1997, Adrian North and two colleagues studied what shoppers bought when a store sold both German and French wines. They found that how well the music in the store fit a wine had a strong effect on which wine people chose.

In the course’s view, the place a client walks into moves them too, before you have said a word. That is true of your studio, and it is true of the client’s own kitchen on the day you arrive. So decide what the client sees and hears when the first session begins.

A designer plans what her client feels on the way out of the first meeting

Melissa Selvaggio is an interior designer in Upper Saddle River, New Jersey. In 2026, she told Business of Home how her firm handles a first consultation. “I treat a design consultation like a first date: You can’t fake a personality for a year, so we show up exactly as ourselves,” she said.

Most of that first meeting is questions about who lives in the house and how they use it. Then Selvaggio turns to how the client leaves. “We also make sure they leave feeling excited about their home and knowing exactly what comes next,” she said. “We walk through our process and pricing and commit to a proposal within 24 to 48 hours. No one likes being ghosted after a good first date.”

Her clients leave the first meeting with something to look forward to, and they know when they will hear from her. In the course’s view, a proposal promised within two days keeps a client looking forward. Silence would leave them wondering.

So before a first meeting ends, decide what the client will be looking forward to when they leave. Then tell them when they will hear from you next.

Why filling the days with forms goes wrong

Imagine a tutor named Kwame Asante who signs a new family, the Okonkwos, for math lessons twice a week. Between two sessions, he sends Mrs. Okonkwo his usual 40-question intake form from his phone, the way he does for every family. Two days later he sends a reminder to fill it in. The night before the first lesson, he texts about parking.

Each message is useful. Each one also lands as a chore at the moment Mrs. Okonkwo wants to feel good about the tutor she chose. She finishes the form at 11 at night. She goes to the first lesson feeling as if she has filled in paperwork for an appointment. The lesson goes well, and she gives it no more thought than a trip to the dentist.

Suppose instead that Kwame sends one note the day after the Okonkwos sign. It says what the first lesson will cover and where to park. It also asks the five questions he needs answered before then. He asks the rest of the form’s questions in person, over the first few weeks. Mrs. Okonkwo reads the note to her son at breakfast, and he asks if the first lesson can be on fractions.

Forms and reminders are part of running a service, so send the ones you need. Put each one inside a message that also gives the client a picture of what is coming. Keep the form to the questions you need before the first day. Ask the rest in person over the first few weeks, each one as it comes up.

How to fill the days between the yes and the first session

1. List every contact a new client receives from you between the day they say yes and the first session. Your list might hold only a contract, a payment request, and a question the night before. Then nothing on it gives the client something to look forward to.
2. Within two days of the yes, send one message that describes the first session. The course suggests two days so the message arrives while the yes is still fresh. For example, a photographer can write, “We will start on the beach at Crane’s Point at 6:30, when the light is low and the beach is quiet.”
3. Put the questions you need answered before the first day inside that same message. For example, a dog walker can write, “Could you send me the gate code, and tell me where Biscuit’s leash hangs?”
4. Add one sentence that shows households like theirs are familiar to you, drawn from something they told you on the first call. For example, a personal trainer whose client mentioned her two young children can write, “Most of the parents I train fit their sessions around school pickup, so we will plan your weeks around it too.”
5. Decide what the client sees and hears when the first session begins. If you work in the client’s home, arrive early enough to set out what you need before they come in. For example, an event planner who meets clients in her studio might lay out the linen the client mentioned on the call. She also chooses the music that is playing when the client walks in.
6. Open the first session with something the client told you on the first call, which you have already prepared for. For example, a realtor can begin a first day of showings, “You said the kitchen matters most, so we start with the two houses with the largest kitchens.”

Next: You will see why the shortcuts a client uses, such as your price or a friend’s word, help a busy mind cope.