Make the Benefit Feel Present

Imagine a home organizer named Astrid who sends a proposal to Mrs. Ferreira, whose family moves into a new house in March. Astrid writes it at the end of a long day. “Over four days, we will unpack and set up the kitchen, the pantry, and the children’s rooms. When we are done, everything will have a place, and your mornings will be calmer.”

Mrs. Ferreira reads it on her phone. Every organizer she has looked at promises calmer mornings, and she cannot picture what Astrid’s version looks like. She puts the phone down.

The next day, she reads a proposal from a second organizer, Noor. “It is the first Monday after the move. You come down at seven, and the coffee is in the cupboard above the machine. The children’s lunch boxes are in the drawer by the back door, and the label on the drawer says what goes in it. Nobody asks you where anything is.” Noor’s list of what the four days include comes on the next page.

Mrs. Ferreira hires Noor.

The two organizers are offering the same four days. Astrid’s proposal describes what Mrs. Ferreira will have one day, in words any organizer could use. Noor’s proposal puts her in her own kitchen on a Monday morning, with a cupboard she can open to check.

So when you describe the job to a client, describe one moment of it as the client lives it. Write it in the present tense, and put in a detail the client can check.

People tend to believe a specific sentence more than a vague one

In 2010, Jochim Hansen and Michaela Wänke tested whether the way a statement is worded changes how true it seems. They gave people the same statements written two ways, one in specific words and one in general words. People judged the specific version more likely to be true. The researchers put that down to the specific version being easier to picture. The statements were facts to be judged true or false, not offers, so treat the finding as a tendency.

Here is what the tendency means for a proposal. “Your mornings will be calmer” is general. The client has nothing to picture, so they take it as a promise. “The coffee is in the cupboard above the machine” is specific. The client can picture the cupboard, so the sentence seems more likely to be true.

Write the moment in the present tense, for this reason. A sentence about what will happen is a promise. The client has heard promises from the other professionals they have talked to. A sentence about what is happening puts the client in the room now, with nothing to wait for.

Asking a client to imagine the result can work against you

Petia Petrova and Robert Cialdini ran three studies on advertisements that ask people to imagine using a product. Earlier research found that asking works. Petrova and Cialdini found its limit. When the product was not shown in a vivid way, asking people to imagine it did harm. People who tried to build the picture and could not liked the product less.

“Imagine how much calmer your mornings will be” hands the client the job of building the picture. If no picture comes, the sentence has cost you something. So build the picture yourself. If the word “imagine” is already in your sentence, put the cupboard and the coffee right after it.

A wedding photographer describes what the couple is doing while he works

Miles Witt Boyer is a wedding photographer in Arkansas. In a post for couples planning a high-end wedding, he writes that everybody promises epic photos. A couple, he adds, needs more than “someone who takes pretty pictures.” In his words, “You need someone who cares about how the whole day feels.”

Then he describes the day. “We build timelines that breathe: time to laugh, hug, sip, sneak away for portraits at golden hour, and be fully present on the dance floor.”

In that sentence, the couple is laughing, sipping, and on the dance floor. The number of photos they will receive is nowhere in it. So give your first sentences to what the client is doing while you work. The count of what they receive can come after.

A florist says its clients are buying relief

Fiore Designs is a florist studio in Culver City, in Los Angeles. In a post on customer service, the studio writes, “A client is not only buying flowers. They are buying relief.” For clients who order every week, the post adds, “service is often measured by what they do not have to do.”

Relief is a feeling, and the studio does not describe it with adjectives. It describes it as a bouquet that arrives on time and a client who does not have to chase an update. So when the benefit of your work is a feeling, write the task the client no longer does. For example, a florist can write, “The flowers are on the table before your guests arrive, and nobody has called you about them.”

Why describing your own evening instead of the client’s goes wrong

Imagine a private chef named Lior who sends a proposal to the Brennans for a dinner for 10. He has read that a proposal should describe the evening, so he writes it as it happens. “At four I arrive and unload. I set the table while the lamb rests, and I plate the first course at half past seven. I leave the kitchen clean at eleven.”

Mrs. Brennan reads a chef’s evening, and she is not in it. She cannot tell what she is doing at half past seven, or whether she has to get up between courses. She writes back to ask where she will be. While she waits for his answer, she reads another chef’s proposal. That one has her at the table with her guests when the first course arrives. She books the other chef.

Lior’s sentences are in the present tense and full of detail, and every one of them is about Lior. A client reads a proposal to find out what happens to them. So make the client the one acting in every sentence. Lior could write, “At half past seven you are at the table with your guests, and the first course arrives without anyone getting up. The kitchen is clean before the last guest leaves.”

Writing the moment is not promising more than you can deliver

Writing “the coffee is in the cupboard above the machine” can feel like a promise you have not earned yet. It can also feel like the copy in an advertisement.

Noor’s sentence describes a cupboard she will set up on the second day, and Mrs. Ferreira can open it on Monday. That is a plan, written as the client will meet it. “Calmer mornings,” on the other hand, is a promise, because there is no cupboard to open.

The sentence in an advertisement usually tells you how you will feel. A sentence with a cupboard in it tells you what you will find.

How to write the moment into a proposal

Choose one moment. It can be on the day you work or after the work is done. If the client mentioned a moment when they first got in touch, such as a dinner they want to give, use it.
Write the moment in the present tense, with the client as the one acting. Say where the client is, what time it is, and what they are doing. A few sentences are enough, because one moment does not need a page.
Put in one detail the client can check on the day, such as the cupboard above the coffee machine. Take out every word that tells the client how to feel, such as “relaxing” or “stunning,” and put in what happens instead. For example, a specialist realtor can write, “It is your first Sunday in the house. You have coffee on the back step with the dog, and nobody can see you from the road.”
Describe the moment instead of asking the client to imagine it. If “imagine” is already in your sentence, put the picture right after it.
Put your list of what is included after the moment, where it confirms the picture. Keep every item on the list as it is.
Before you send the proposal, read the moment aloud. If a sentence could go into any other professional’s proposal, add the detail that makes it this client’s. That might be the dog’s name, the room, or the time the children leave for school.
When a client asks in conversation what the work is like, answer with the same kind of moment, spoken. For example, an executive coach can say, “By the spring, you walk out of the board meeting having said the two things you came to say.”

Next: You will see why two or three options get a decision from a client, and a long menu does not.