How to Reach a Client Who Has Gone Quiet

Imagine an event planner named Nadia Brennan who planned the Lockharts’ December party three years running. Each year, Helen Lockhart called her in September. At the last party, Mrs. Lockhart told Nadia about a wish. She would love to hold the party in the orangery at Ashcombe House one day, but it was closed for repairs.

Last September, Mrs. Lockhart did not call. Nadia was busy with weddings, and she did not write either. Now it is September again, and they have not spoken in almost two years.

Nadia feels bad about the silence, so she starts with it. “Hi Helen, I’m so sorry I’ve been out of touch for so long,” she writes. “It’s been a mad two years with weddings, and I feel terrible I never followed up after your party. I hope you’re all well! Are you thinking about a party this December? I’d love to help again.”

Mrs. Lockhart has not been counting the months. Now she counts them, and she feels that she owes Nadia an answer to the apology first. “No need to apologize at all, we’ve been busy too!” she writes. She adds that they have not decided about December. She does not write again. In December, the Lockharts have a small dinner at home, cooked by a caterer a neighbor uses.

Suppose instead that Nadia opens her page on the Lockharts before she writes anything. She finds the orangery. A quick call to Ashcombe House tells her that it reopens on November 1 and takes private bookings for December. She writes, “Hi Helen, the orangery at Ashcombe House reopens on November 1, and it is taking private bookings for December. At your last party, you said it was where you had always wanted to hold it. The booking page is below.”

Mrs. Lockhart writes back that evening. “I can’t believe you remembered that. We skipped last year, and I’d love to do it there. Is the 12th free?” Nadia books the orangery for the 12th.

Nadia wrote after the same two years of silence both times. What changed was her first sentence. In the first version, it was about the gap. Mrs. Lockhart had to answer the apology before she could answer anything else. In the second, it was about the orangery, and the gap never came up. Here is why the silence matters less than it feels, and how to write the message that ends it.

Old relationships keep most of their strength through years of silence

In 2011, Daniel Levin, Jorge Walter, and Keith Murnighan published a study in the journal Organization Science on getting back in touch. They asked 224 executives in Executive MBA classes to reconnect with two people. Each was someone the executive had not been in contact with for at least three years. The executives asked each person for advice on a project at work.

The executives were reluctant to reconnect at first. Afterward, the researchers found that relationships that had once been close kept most of their strength, even years later. They write that a reconnection could quickly feel “as if we had been talking regularly.”

Those were executives and their old contacts, and the step to a client is the course’s own. Here is the step. A client you worked with closely for years is an old relationship of the same kind. Two years without a message does not erase what you learned about each other. In the study, the executives were the ones who hesitated, before they had written a word.

So Nadia’s apology treated the relationship as damaged, when it was not. Mrs. Lockhart’s reply to the orangery shows how little the two years had changed.

A design firm owner mailed an article to a client who had gone quiet, and the client called

Greg Branson ran a design firm for more than 25 years and now advises designers in Australia. In a post on reconnecting with past clients, he tells a story from his own firm. “I once had a client we hadn’t heard from in 18 months called us after I mailed(!) them an article about sustainability regulations affecting their industry,” he writes. The client “didn’t know we’d developed expertise in that area.”

The article was about the client’s industry, and it asked for nothing. His list of what not to do covers the rest. “Don’t immediately pitch for work. Don’t apologise for not staying in touch. Don’t discount your services to win them back.” For a client on LinkedIn, his suggested note is just as short: “This reminded me of the challenges you mentioned last year.”

Measured against this lesson, the article and the note are the method. Each one starts from the client’s business, and the note starts from what the client told him. One of his other suggestions works differently. His “direct approach” says, “I’d love 15 minutes to update you on how we might be able to help with your current challenges.” That is a pitch about the firm, the kind his own list says not to send first. Start with the article. Branson’s clients are companies, and the step to a household is the course’s own.

A real estate founder says the client is not keeping count of the gap

Preston Guyton has spent more than 20 years in real estate and runs ez Home Search, a company in Columbia, South Carolina. In a September 2026 post for real estate agents, he describes agents who never write to past clients at all. Guilt over the gap, the fear of looking desperate, and the belief that the client has moved on “all pile up until an agent just doesn’t send the message.”

His answer to the guilt is that the client is not counting. Agents assume clients are “keeping score of the gap, when in reality almost none of them are,” he writes. “The discomfort lives almost entirely in the agent’s head, not in the client’s inbox.” His advice follows from that. “You also don’t need to apologize for years of silence before you’re allowed to speak,” he writes. His reason is that “dwelling on it only draws more attention to something the client probably wasn’t dwelling on either.”

That is what happened to Mrs. Lockhart. She was not counting the months until Nadia’s apology counted them for her.

Measured against this lesson, two parts of his advice differ. He suggests a short, honest sentence about the gap, such as “it’s been a while.” The course leaves even that out, and here is its reason. The item you send already shows that you remembered the client, and any sentence about the gap pushes the item down. His first sample message also opens, “I was thinking about you the other day and wanted to check in.” It asks, “How’s the house treating you these days?” That is the check-in that asks the client to reassure you. Keep his reason for leaving out the apology, and send an item in place of the question.

The apology, the explanation, and the question each give the client a job

Nadia’s first message had three parts before it reached anything for Mrs. Lockhart. Each part gave her something to do. That way of looking at the message is the course’s own, and here is the reason for each part.

The apology asks the client to forgive you. So the client writes “No need to apologize” before anything else, which is the reassurance a check-in asks for.

The explanation, such as “a mad two years with weddings,” tells the client about your calendar. The client did not ask about it. The explanation puts your life at the top of a message meant for them.

The question, such as “Are you thinking about a party this December?”, asks the client to decide something on your timetable. Mrs. Lockhart had not decided, so she wrote that she had not, and stopped there.

An apology for the gap is an apology for something that did no harm. It belongs with the apology for doing your job, and a client hears that kind of softening as doubt.

A real apology is different. Sometimes a client went quiet after something went wrong on your side. It might have been a missed date or a mistake in the work. Then the mistake is the subject, not the gap. Name it once, say what you changed, and then give the item. That is fixing the slip and telling the client once, the same as with a client who is still with you.

Something relevant comes from what the client told you

After a long silence, it is tempting to look the client up to see what has changed. A detail found that way makes the client feel watched, after two years as much as after two weeks. So start from the page you keep on the client, with the last things they told you. Branson’s note works the same way, with “the challenges you mentioned last year.”

Look for one of them that the client can use now. It might be a date, a name, or a place. It might also be a reopening, a new class, or a new rule that touches what they told you. The orangery reopening touched Mrs. Lockhart’s wish. One item is the course’s suggestion, and its reason is that one is enough to show you remembered.

The item can touch your work, as the orangery touched the party. What matters is where it starts. An item starts from the client, and a pitch starts from you. If nothing on the page fits yet, wait until something does, because the message works only when the item is real.

Why explaining where you have been goes wrong

Imagine a coach named Anselm Duarte who coached Erika Varga for a year. She had just been made a partner at her law firm. They stopped two springs ago, when she felt settled. Anselm has heard that an apology for the gap is a mistake, so he leaves out “sorry.”

He writes, “Hi Erika, it’s been a busy stretch here. I’ve spent the past year building a program for new partners, which is why I’ve been quiet. I thought of you when I launched it. The details are below.”

Ms. Varga writes back, “Congratulations on the launch!” and nothing else. In the spring, a newly promoted colleague asks her to recommend a coach. She gives the name of the coach who ran her firm’s leadership workshop.

Anselm took out the apology and put an explanation and a pitch in its place. Both were about him, where he had been and what he sells. The version that works starts from something Ms. Varga told him. She once said that she wanted to speak at her state bar’s annual meeting. He can write, “The state bar’s call for speakers opens on October 3. You said you wanted to speak there one day. The form is below.”

Writing after a long silence is not intruding

Many professionals let a quiet client stay quiet. Writing after a year or two can feel like intruding, or like admitting that the silence was your fault.

The executives in the Levin study were reluctant too. The relationships that had once been close still had most of their strength when they reached out. Branson’s client had been quiet for 18 months, and it called. Guyton’s point is that the client was not keeping count. The message that ends the silence carries one item, and the client decides what happens next.

How to write to a client who has gone quiet

1. Once every three months, go through the pages you keep on past clients. Mark every client you have not heard from or written to in more than 12 months. The 12 months comes from Branson. One of his signs that a past client needs to hear from you is that they have not hired you “for over 12 months.” Checking every three months is the course’s suggestion, so that no client drifts far past the mark before you notice.
2. For each client you marked, find one item from what they told you that they can use now. Look on the client’s page, not online. For example, a private chef’s former client once said she wanted to learn to bake bread. The chef can send her the date of a bakery’s weekend class.
3. Write the message with the item in the first sentence. Leave out the apology, any explanation of where you have been, and any sentence about how long it has been. End on the item, with no question and no offer of your services. For example, a home organizer can write, “The city’s bulky-item pickup comes to your street on March 9. You wanted the old crib out of the garage before spring.”
4. If the client went quiet after something went wrong on your side, name it in one sentence before the item. Say what you changed, and explain no further. For example, a photographer whose album for a family arrived three months late can begin, “Your album was three months late, and that was my fault. Every album now goes to the printer within a month of the shoot.”
5. When the client writes back, answer what they said. Let them bring up the work, as Mrs. Lockhart did when she asked about the 12th.
6. If the client does not write back, do not send a second message about the first. Put the client on two dates a year tied to their own year, like any other past client.

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