Watch the Client, Not a Personality Type
Write down what a client says, and read it before every meeting.
Imagine a tutor named Elena Marsh who has just had a first meeting with Mr. Adeyemi, the father of a new student. Mr. Adeyemi says little, and he asks for the schedule in writing. He also mentions that his son’s last tutor “talked more than he taught.”
Elena has another student across town at five. Even so, she sits in her car for two minutes and writes those three details on a page under Mr. Adeyemi’s name.
For the first month, Elena sends Mr. Adeyemi a short written update after each session. She keeps small talk to a minimum, and she puts the schedule in every email. At the end of the month, Mr. Adeyemi books her for the rest of the school year.
Elena could decide that Mr. Adeyemi is the quiet type and leave it there. Instead, she writes down what he says and does, and she plans her work around it.
A personality type is a weak guide to one person
Personality tests promise to sum up how someone thinks in a short code. The best-known one is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, which gives each person a four-letter code. Its publisher says that only about half of the people who take the test a second time get the same four letters.
The publisher points out that this is eight times what chance alone would produce. It adds that 90% of people get the same result on at least three of the four letters. Even so, a client who took the test again would have about an even chance of getting a different code. The publisher itself says that the test is not meant to be used to decide whom to hire.
The same caution applies to any label you put on a client, including a guess about their kind of wealth. A label is a starting guess, and the client in front of you can prove it wrong. So hold any label loosely until what the client says and does confirms it.
What other people see predicts how a person acts
A personality test asks people to describe themselves. In 2010, two researchers wrote in the Psychological Bulletin about studies of 44,178 people. They found that what others saw of a person predicted how that person behaved. When the question was school grades or job performance, ratings by others predicted them much better than people’s ratings of themselves.
The same review found that seeing someone more often helped an observer judge them more accurately. The large gains, though, went to observers who were close to the person. In the course’s view, a client you see once a month is not someone you are close to. So the course suggests a written page for each client. Then each meeting adds to what you learned at the last one.
Some parts of a person are easier to see than others
Simine Vazire, a researcher at Washington University in St. Louis, published a study of 165 people in 2010. Each person rated themselves and was rated by four friends and up to four strangers. Then each took a set of tests of how they behaved.
Vazire found three patterns. Strangers, friends, and the people themselves were equally good at judging how outgoing someone was. Friends were the best judges of how bright someone was. The people themselves were the best judges of how anxious they were.
So watch what shows, such as how much a client likes to talk. Then ask about what does not show, such as what a client worries about. Let the client decide how much to say.
A wedding planner watches how a couple treats each other on the first call
Josiah Carr runs the event planning business Samkoma with his husband and co-founder, Justin McGregor. In 2023, CNN reported that planners who work for wealthy couples choose their clients as carefully as the couples choose them. Carr told CNN that he and McGregor pay close attention to how couples act in first conversations.
“Just watching a couple communicate about their wedding, we get a good sense of how they treat each other on the call. And that in turn, helps us get a good sense of how they would also treat us,” he said.
Carr also said that he and McGregor often become close to their couples over the months of planning. “Most of the time after the wedding, we remain very close with those couples,” he said.
So treat your first conversation with a client as your first chance to watch.
How a client talks about money and people tells you how to work with them
The course suggests listening to how a client talks about three subjects: money, the people they have hired, and other people. Each one points to something you can change in your work:
| What to watch | What you might hear | What it may tell you |
|---|---|---|
| How they talk about money | “Just send me the total.” | They want one clear figure, not a breakdown. |
| How they talk about people they have hired | “She was lovely, but I always had to chase her.” | Being on time and following up matter more to them than charm. |
| How they talk about other people | “Our neighbor raved about you.” | They listen to what their neighbors and friends say, so how you treat this client may reach those people too. |
The course also suggests writing down the client’s words, not your conclusions. A conclusion is a guess, and the words let you check the guess later.
Why working from a client’s type goes wrong
Imagine a photographer named Tess Lindqvist who is booked for a family session at Mr. Obi’s house. On the first call, Mr. Obi laughs and says, “I’m an ENTJ, so I like a plan.” Tess writes “ENTJ, likes structure” in her file, and she plans a tightly scripted session with a list of 20 poses.
Over the next two weeks, Mr. Obi sends three emails. Two of them say, “Let’s keep it relaxed. The kids hate posing.” Tess is editing two weddings that week, so she skims the emails for the date and the address.
On the day, Mr. Obi wants to wander around the garden and joke with his children. Tess keeps steering them back to her list, and the photos come out stiff. Mr. Obi orders the smallest package, and he does not book her again.
Suppose instead that Tess reads Mr. Obi’s emails again before she plans the session. She sees that two of them ask for a relaxed session with no posing. So she plans an hour of walking in the garden, with a short list of five photos the family must have. Mr. Obi orders a large print for the hall, and he books her for the next summer.
Tess has the same file both times. The four letters are about Mr. Obi in general. His emails are about this session, and he wrote them that month.
How to watch a client and use what you see
- Keep one page for each client, under the client’s name, in a notebook or a notes app. If a client tells you their type, or a label comes to mind, write it as a guess with a question mark.
- After each conversation, write down what the client said about money, about people they have hired, and about other people. Add the date. For example, a private chef might write, “Oct. 3. Wants one bill a month. Said her last chef ‘never answered a text.’”
- Watch what shows, such as how much the client talks. For what does not show, ask a question that cannot be answered yes or no. For example, a specialist realtor can ask, “What would you like me to keep in mind about the move?”
- Read the page before each meeting, and change one part of your work to fit it. For example, a dog walker whose client said that her last walker “never sent a word” sends a photo and one sentence after every walk.
- When a client surprises you, write that down too, and cross out any guess it proves wrong. For example, a coach who wrote “wants short calls” hears the client say, “Let’s take the full hour today.” She crosses out “short calls” and writes the client’s words with the date.
Next: You will see why a wealthy client often decides first and finds the reasons afterward.
That is the end of Module 3. Want help putting this into practice? Brett offers a single working session where the two of you refine your positioning, pricing, and marketing materials together.
Work together 1-on-1