Which Kind of Wealth Are You Talking To?

Imagine a family photographer named Joel Mercer who has two first calls in one week. Both are about portraits for a big birthday.

On Tuesday, Mrs. Hart calls about a portrait for her mother’s 80th. She mentions that her mother went to the same portrait studio for 30 years, and she asks whether Joel knows it. She does not ask what the portrait costs.

Joel guesses that the Harts’ money came down through the family, and he keeps the guess to himself. Before he suggests anything, he asks, “How has your family done portraits like this before?” Mrs. Hart describes the studio’s gray backdrop and the library at home where the family has had its portraits taken for years.

So Joel proposes a portrait in the library, in the style the family knows. Mrs. Hart books it before the call ends.

On Thursday, Mr. Ruiz calls about a portrait for his own 50th. He says that he wants the kind of portrait he could not have afforded 10 years ago. He asks what Joel has done that nobody else has done.

Joel guesses that Mr. Ruiz built his own money. He asks Mr. Ruiz, “How have you done portraits like this before?” Mr. Ruiz says that every portrait he has had looks the same as the ones his friends have.

So Joel proposes a portrait in a place that Mr. Ruiz chooses, with the lighting planned around it. Mr. Ruiz names the workshop where he started out, and he books a date for the next month.

Joel did not ask either client where their money came from. He listened to how each of them talked about the portrait, made a guess, and tested it with one question. Only then did he change his proposal.

You cannot ask where the money came from, so listen

Wealthy clients got their money in one of four ways. Each kind of client wants something different from the people they hire. So it helps to know which kind you are talking to.

Asking a client how they came by their money is too personal, though. Here is the course’s view of why. The question tells the client that you are sizing up their bank account.

So listen instead. Each kind of client tends to sound a little different when they talk about money, family, and the people they have hired.

Inherited wealth came down through the family. A client with inherited wealth talks about family habits and about the people the household has kept for years. They may start a sentence with “We’ve always.” Price rarely comes up.

Self-made wealth was built by the client, often through a business they started. A self-made client talks about what they built or about a milestone. They may also say what they want to be different this time.

Earned wealth belongs to a client who is still paid well for their own skilled work. Surgeons, law partners, and executives are examples. A high earner tends to send short messages with specific questions. They may mention a busy schedule and ask for dates and prices.

Unexpected wealth arrived suddenly, through a settlement, an inheritance nobody expected, or a lottery win. A client whose money is new may ask what is normal, or what a service like yours usually costs. They may also say that they have not hired anyone for this kind of work before.

One sign on its own tells you little. A reserved heir and a careful client who is new to money can sound alike. A client who built a business can talk like a high earner. So wait for a few signs together before you make a guess.

A butler in the Hamptons warns that quiet clients can be new money

Andrew Arthur Williams, who lives in the Hamptons, New York, writes a blog about his work as “the butler in a billionaire’s household.” In 2012, he wrote that he is “frequently asked about the differences between the old rich and the new.” He began his answer with a warning. “This is one of those areas where generalizations are dangerous of course,” he wrote.

By the old rich, Williams means families whose money has been inherited for at least three generations. By the new rich, he means people who made their fortunes themselves, such as industrialists, bankers, inventors, and actors. In this course’s terms, his old rich have inherited wealth. His new rich include self-made clients and some high earners.

Williams then gave what he called the “conventional wisdom.” In that picture, the old rich are quiet, proper, and reserved, and the new rich are loud and splashy. He wrote that he agrees with that picture.

Even so, he warned that “the danger of generalizations is that it overlooks the new rich who are quiet, modest and share their wealth through charities of all sorts.” It also overlooks heirs from old families whose crass behavior is all over the news.

So a quiet client may have made their money themselves, and a loud client may have inherited it. Whether a client comes across as quiet or loud tells you little about where their money came from. Listen to what they say about money, family, and the people they hire. Then treat what you hear as a guess until you test it.

One open question tests your guess

An open question is one that cannot be answered yes or no. To test your guess, ask how the client has handled this kind of purchase before. For example, a personal trainer can ask, “How has training worked for you before?”

Here is what each kind of client might say to the trainer:

A client with inherited wealth might name the people the family has used for years. “My father trained with the same man for 20 years, at the club in town.”
A self-made client might say what they want to be different this time. “Every trainer I’ve had ran the same program. I want one built for me.”
A high earner might say what went wrong with the last person they hired. “My last trainer kept moving my sessions, and I never knew the plan.”
A client who is new to money might say that they have not done this before. “I’ve never had a trainer. What do people usually do?”

If the answer fits your guess, keep the guess. If it does not, drop the guess and listen again.

What each guess changes in your proposal

Once an answer fits your guess, change one part of your first proposal to fit the client. Here is what each kind of client tends to want:

Inherited wealth. Offer to work the way the household already does, and ask what must not change. That household judges a new provider by how well they fit in.
Self-made wealth. Shape one part of your service around what the client wants the work to do. A standard package tells that client they are one more customer.
Earned wealth. Answer the client’s questions first, in the order they asked them. Then give the price and a day for the next step, because they are short of time.
Unexpected wealth. Explain what the whole job usually costs and what your price covers, before you give the price. A client who has never bought your kind of service at this level cannot tell a fair price from an inflated one.

Why acting on a guess without testing it goes wrong

Imagine a specialist realtor named Priya Nair who is showing a house on a Sunday afternoon. Three couples are waiting to see the kitchen. A buyer, Mr. Osei, asks Priya what the house costs to run each year. He is quiet, and his questions are short.

Priya guesses that Mr. Osei is new to money and worried about his budget. “If this would be your first house at this price, the mortgage is the place to start,” she says. Then she begins to explain how the monthly payment is worked out.

Mr. Osei says, “I’ve bought three houses. I asked about the heating and the taxes.” He thanks Priya and leaves. A month later, he buys the house through another agent. On the evening of the showing, that agent sends him last year’s bills for heat and taxes.

Priya is right that Mr. Osei’s question is a sign. A short, exact question about costs is also what a high earner asks, though. Her mistake is acting on her guess before she tests it. So she answers a question he did not ask, and Mr. Osei concludes that she is not listening.

In the version that works, Priya answers the question Mr. Osei asked and then tests her guess. “The taxes are about $18,000 a year, and heating runs about $6,000. How did your last house purchase go?” Mr. Osei says that this would be his fourth house, and he asks to see the boiler. That evening, Priya emails him last year’s bills.

How to tell which kind of wealth you are talking to

In a first conversation, listen to how the client talks about money, about family, and about the people they have hired before. Afterward, write down their exact words.
When you hear a few signs together, make a guess at which of the four kinds of wealth they point to. Keep the guess to yourself.
Test the guess with one open question about how the client has handled this kind of purchase before. For example, a tutor can ask a parent, “How have you found tutors for your children before?”
If the answer fits your guess, change one part of your first proposal to fit it. For example, an event planner might guess that a client is a high earner. She can open her proposal with the date, the fee, and the next step. “June 14 is free. My fee is $9,000, and I can send the plan by Friday.”
If the answer does not fit, drop the guess and listen again before you change how you work.

Next: You will see how the amount of wealth changes what a client expects, from the affluent to the ultra-wealthy.