How Parents and Executives Pass Your Name On

Imagine a test-prep tutor named Isadora Quint who prepares high school students for the ACT. In September, Mrs. Harrowgate hires her for her son, Rupert, who is a junior. His practice score is 28, and the colleges he wants usually take students who score 33 or more. Isadora meets him every Tuesday and Thursday.

In December, Rupert takes the ACT and scores 34. Isadora is pleased, and her week is full. She sends the January invoice as usual, and nobody says that the work is done. Rupert keeps coming on Tuesdays and Thursdays, to stay sharp for a test he may never take again.

In February, on the sidelines of a soccer game, Mrs. Tavistock tells Mrs. Harrowgate that her daughter, Bea, is dreading the ACT. Mrs. Harrowgate has not told anyone that Rupert has a tutor. She also does not want to share his Tuesdays and Thursdays. So she says, “It’s a hard test,” and talks about the game. Mrs. Tavistock finds a tutor online.

In April, Rupert’s lacrosse season starts, and his sessions stop without a last one. Mrs. Harrowgate does not mention Isadora to anyone.

Suppose instead that Isadora tells the family when Rupert is done. The day his score arrives, she writes to Mrs. Harrowgate. “Rupert’s 34 is above what his colleges look for, so he doesn’t need me anymore. Let’s have one last session on Thursday to go over his results. If he wants help with AP Chemistry next year, call me.”

In February, Mrs. Tavistock mentions on the sidelines that Bea is dreading the ACT. Rupert’s tutoring is over, so Mrs. Harrowgate has nothing to keep quiet and no Tuesdays to lose. “Rupert went from 28 to 34 with Isadora Quint,” she says. “She told us the day he was done.” Mrs. Tavistock calls Isadora that evening. In June, Mrs. Harrowgate calls Isadora about AP Chemistry.

Isadora taught Rupert the same way both times, and he got the same score. What changed was whether his tutoring had an end. In the first version, it went on after he reached his score. So Mrs. Harrowgate still had a tutor to keep quiet about, and a tutor’s time to keep for her own son. In the second, Isadora told the family that Rupert was done, and his mother was free to tell a friend.

So with a family, the finish is when your name gets passed on. An executive’s next coach often comes a different way, through the person who brought the last coach in. Here is when each group passes a name on, and what a Chicago tutoring business and an executive coach found.

Parents and executives pass a name on at different times

Here is the course’s view of the two groups that refer clients in this trade. A tutor’s clients are mostly parents, who hire someone for a child. A coach’s or a consultant’s clients are often executives. Someone at the executive’s company may have brought the coach in, such as the head of human resources.

Parents ask each other about tutors, and many hire whoever their friends use. Even so, in the experience of one Chicago tutoring business, many parents say little while the tutoring goes on. So the parent’s referral usually comes once the child no longer needs you.

An executive’s next coach often comes through the person who brought the last coach in. That person is a door-opener, whose standing at the company rides on each name they give. That person also sees the result, in how the executive works with the people around them. So when the next leader needs a coach, that person brings in the one whose work they watched. That view is the course’s own. Its basis is an executive coach’s account of how her firm grew.

A Chicago tutoring business hears from new families once a family has finished

Lindsey Wander is a former middle school teacher who started a tutoring business, WorldWise Tutoring, after she moved to Chicago. It now has more than 100 tutors in Illinois, Texas, and online. In 2024, she told Founder Reports how new families find it. “I work with families and their children, so word-of-mouth has been the best way to spread awareness,” she said.

She also said when it happens. “Because of the stigma around tutoring and because many parents are worried about their tutor not having enough availability, the most frequent situation in which word-of-mouth occurs is once the family has finished with our services.”

Her tutors aim to get each student to the point where they do not need a tutor. So the finish, and the talk that follows it, can come “even just a couple of months after a family starts.” In her words, “It seems counterintuitive: try to get your client NOT to need you.” That client then “goes out and tells everyone how effective our services are.” Families also come back later “as new challenges arise,” such as AP classes, college planning, or ACT and SAT prep.

Wander does not describe her families as wealthy, and the step to a wealthy family is the course’s own. Here is the step. A parent who hires a tutor has two reasons to stay quiet while it goes on. One is what other parents might think of the child. The other is the tutor’s time, which the parent may not want to share. Both reasons are gone at the finish. So aim to tutor yourself out of a job, and tell the family when you have.

An executive coach’s first clients came through heads of human resources, and whole teams followed

Karrie Carlin founded an executive coaching firm, Performance Impacts, in 2009. Her firm coaches leaders at the level of vice president and above. In 2020, she told Andrew Neitlich of the Center for Executive Coaching how the firm grew. “All of our work has been from referrals,” she said.

Her first coaching clients came from a large health care company. She knew it from earlier work, when she led a consulting firm. “Since then, it literally has been a snowball of referrals,” she said. “The first clients were heads of HR in organizations, bringing me in, initially.” One client was the head of all the operating rooms at a health care chain. He was a surgeon with a thousand people reporting to him. Her firm went on to coach the doctors there on leadership.

Then another company, with 15,000 employees, brought her in to coach its whole executive team, “all the way to the CEO.” The chief executive planned to retire within five years, and her work was to get his team ready to take over.

She also described an executive vice president she coached every month for five years. He was successful, and yet he had trouble building trust across the company. “The reality was, he wasn’t truly aware of the impact of how his behaviors were impacting others,” she said. “Once we really got to that, he started to change his approach.”

Measured against this lesson, Carlin’s executives did not find her on their own. A head of human resources brought her in, and the work spread from one leader to others in the same company. Here is the course’s step from there. A change like the vice president’s shows in how he treats the people he works with. So the people who brought the coach in can see it without hearing a word of the sessions. They choose the coach for the next leader, so they are the people your work has to reach.

Why saying nothing to the person who brought you in goes wrong

Imagine an executive coach named Leopold Fane who coaches senior leaders at companies. In March, Delphine Vosper, the head of human resources at a family-owned shipping company, brings him in for Gideon Strand. Mr. Strand is the new chief operating officer, and his managers say he decides everything himself.

Leopold coaches Mr. Strand every other week until November, and he keeps every word of it between the two of them. In June, Ms. Vosper writes to ask how it is going. Leopold is between two calls, and he replies, “Coaching is confidential, I’m afraid. Gideon can tell you himself.” In November, the sessions end, and Leopold sends the company his final invoice.

Mr. Strand’s managers now bring him their decisions early. Ms. Vosper has heard about the change from the managers, and nobody has told her that the coaching has ended. In January, the chief executive asks her for a coach for the new head of finance. She gives the name of a coach whose firm wrote to her when its last engagement ended.

Leopold’s mistake was treating confidential as silent. What Mr. Strand said in the sessions was his own. Whether the coaching was happening, and when it ended, was what Ms. Vosper had put her name on. With nothing from Leopold, she could not vouch for him to the chief executive.

The version that works settles it at the first meeting, with all three of them in the room. “Delphine will hear from me when we start, once in the middle, and when we finish,” Leopold says. “She’ll hear whether we’re meeting and whether Gideon finds it useful. What Gideon tells me stays with me.” Mr. Strand agrees. In November, Leopold writes to Ms. Vosper, “Gideon and I finished last week. He says his managers now bring him decisions early.” In January, Ms. Vosper gives the chief executive Leopold’s name.

Telling a family it no longer needs you does not cost you the family

Many tutors hold back from telling a family that the student is done. It can feel like giving away a client who would have kept paying.

Wander calls the aim counterintuitive, and she has found that it pays. For “the one client who moves on,” she said, “we gain many more new clients.” The family itself also often comes back when the next challenge comes. Isadora’s last session with Rupert brought her Bea Tavistock that same week, and AP Chemistry in June. In the first version, Isadora kept Rupert’s sessions until April, and then nothing came after them.

How to let parents and executives pass your name on

Next to each client, write who first brought you in. It might be a parent, the client, or someone at the client’s company, such as the head of human resources. For example, an essay coach might write that Mrs. Lowell hired her for her daughter, Clara.
For each student, write the result that means they no longer need you. When the student reaches it, tell the parents that day, and set a last session. For example, a French tutor can write, “Hugo passed his oral exam, so he doesn’t need me anymore. Let’s meet once more on Monday to go over it.”
While the tutoring goes on, do not ask a parent to pass your name on. Say nothing about one family to another, because the parent may not have told anyone. For example, when another mother asks a math tutor whether she teaches the Lin twins, the tutor can say, “I don’t talk about my students. Is your son working on something?”
At the last session, name the next stage when the family might need you, and say they can call. Write it on the page you keep on the client. For example, an English tutor can say, “Junior year brings the research paper. If it gives Nell trouble, call me.”
When someone at a company brings you in for an executive, meet with both of them at the start. Agree what that person will hear, such as whether you are meeting and whether the executive finds it useful. For example, a leadership consultant can say, “Martin will hear from me when we start, in June, and when we finish. Anything you tell me stays with me.”
For each executive, write the result their colleagues will see, such as how the executive treats people in meetings. Aim at a result other people can see, because the person who brought you in sees it too. For example, a presentation coach might write that the chief financial officer presents the budget to the board in October. She wants to do it without her notes.
When the coaching ends, tell the person who brought you in, in the words the executive agreed to, and ask for nothing. For example, an executive coach can write, “Ruth and I finished on Friday. She says her team meetings now end on time.”

Next: The elective for coaches, tutors, and consultants ends here, and so do the electives. The capstone comes next, and it turns the course into your own plan. It starts with where you are today.