A Small Gift at the Right Moment Beats a Yearly One

Imagine a dog walker named Nell Garrity who walks 16 dogs in her neighborhood. In her first December, she bakes a tin of dog biscuits for each household. She ties a ribbon on each tin and adds a card that says, “Happy holidays from Nell and the pack.” The tins cost her about $10 each.

Mrs. Halloran gets her tin on December 20. The same week, her cleaner leaves a candle and the gardener leaves a bottle of wine. The vet sends a box of chocolates. Mrs. Halloran texts Nell, “Thank you, Moss will love them!” The tin goes on the shelf with the rest.

Nell gives the tins again the next December, and the one after. In the fourth December, she has the flu, and no tins go out. At the door in January, Mrs. Halloran smiles and says, “No biscuits for Moss?” In March, a neighbor asks her about dog walkers. “Nell’s reliable,” Mrs. Halloran says. The neighbor books the walker her sister uses.

Suppose instead that Nell gives no tins. In April, Mrs. Halloran mentions that she flies to London in June for six weeks of work. She also mentions that Moss always stops at the bench by the pond in Hale Park. It is where she took him on his first walk as a puppy. Nell writes both details on the page she keeps on Moss.

While Mrs. Halloran is away, Nell takes a photo of Moss on the bench. She has it printed and framed for about $30. On the day Mrs. Halloran gets home, the photo is on the hall table with a note. “Moss sat on his bench every day. He’s been waiting for you.”

Mrs. Halloran takes the photo to her office. In September, a colleague asks who walks Moss while she travels. “Nell,” Mrs. Halloran says. “I came home from London to a photo of Moss on his bench. It’s still on my desk.” The colleague books Nell that week.

Nell spent about the same on Mrs. Halloran both times, $30 in tins over three years or $30 on one frame. In the first version, the tin came in the same week as the other gifts, so it was one gift among many. By the fourth year, Mrs. Halloran expected it, so the missing tin was the one she mentioned. In the second version, the photo came on a day that mattered to her. It came from a detail Mrs. Halloran had told Nell herself. That photo is what she told her colleague about.

So give a client a gift at a moment of their own, chosen from something they mentioned. Spend only what the gift costs. Here is why the yearly gift fails, how a designer and a coach do it instead, and where it goes wrong.

A gift on the date everyone gives gets lost, and a yearly one becomes owed

In 2017, Jonathan Goodman, who writes books for personal trainers, wrote for The PTDC about the gifts trainers give their clients. First among the gifts that go wrong, he named the Christmas card and the birthday card. “Not only are you much less likely to stand out,” he wrote, “you create a dangerous sense of expectation.”

He described how the expectation plays out. A trainer sends the card every year, and it “is maybe appreciated a little bit.” Then, he wrote, “you forget just one time, and whoops! They notice and aren’t too happy.” Nell’s fourth December went the same way.

Goodman’s alternative is the same effort on a different day. He suggests a handwritten card in the mail “after they nail an exercise they have been working on.” That moment belongs to the client and to the work, and no other business in the client’s life marks it.

This fits what the course has taught about gestures. A client notices attention that is personal and unexpected. By the third year, a gift every client gets in December is neither.

An Atlanta designer gives her gifts at the end of the project, not at the holidays

In 2021, Business of Home asked four designers whether they send clients holiday gifts. Three of them do. Leah Alexander, a designer in Atlanta, usually leaves her gifts at the end of each project instead, “rather than joining so many others in gifting for the holidays.”

She gave her reason. “There are studies that show that often, when inundated with gifts, people don’t remember what came from where!” she said. “We want that special surprise and delight to [be associated] with our services rather than the time of year.”

The end of a project is a moment that only her firm marks. A client who finds the gift then knows who left it and why. In December, the same gift would sit on a shelf beside the cleaner’s candle and the vet’s chocolates.

So move a gift off the holidays, when most businesses give. Give it at a moment that belongs to the client and the work.

A coach in Missouri spent $22 on a client who needs nothing, and he talked about it for months

Goodman’s article includes a story from Allie Ramer, a coach in Missouri. One of her clients is “a retired multimillionaire who needs literally nothing,” she said. During a session, he mentioned how much he loved reading Mother Goose and Grimm comics as a kid. For his birthday, Ramer gave him a collector’s edition of the comic book, which cost her about $22.

“He talked about it for months,” she said.

Ramer gave the book on a birthday, one of the dates Goodman warns about. His warning is about the card that comes every year. Ramer’s book came once, and it could only have come from someone who heard that remark.

For a man with that much money, $22 was a small sum. To a client who needs nothing, the price of a gift says little. The remark behind it says that you listened. That is the course’s view of what Ramer’s story shows. So put your effort into hearing the remark, and spend on the gift only what it costs.

Why turning a gift that worked into a yearly one goes wrong

Imagine a specialist realtor named Desmond Rourke who sells houses with large gardens. At a showing, Mrs. Delgado mentions that she has always wanted a fig tree. On closing day, Desmond leaves a young fig tree in a pot by her new back door. It costs him about $45, and Mrs. Delgado sends him a photo of it planted.

The fig tree works so well that Desmond turns gifts into a system. From then on, every past client gets a gift basket on the anniversary of their closing, every year. A service ships them. In the third year, the service misses the Delgados. Mrs. Delgado texts Desmond, “Did the basket people forget us?” When a friend asks her for an agent, she says, “Desmond’s nice. He sends a basket every year.” The friend calls an agent she met at an open house.

Desmond’s first gift was right. His mistake was turning one gift meant for Mrs. Delgado into a yearly gift that every client gets. The basket told her that she was on his list. By the third year she counted on it, so the missed year was the one she mentioned. When her friend asked, she talked about the basket and not the fig tree.

The version that works keeps the fig tree and drops the basket. Desmond gives Mrs. Delgado another gift only when he hears another remark that fits another moment. A message that hands a past client something useful can still go out twice a year. It carries something new each time. The basket was the same for every client, every year.

A small gift for a wealthy client is not a cheap one

Many professionals worry that a small gift will look cheap to a client with money. A wealthy client can buy almost anything, so a gift can seem to need a large price before it counts.

Ramer’s client could buy anything, and he talked for months about a $22 book. Nell’s frame cost $30, and the photo ended up on Mrs. Halloran’s desk. What neither client could buy was someone who listened to them. A larger price adds nothing to that. A costlier version of a common gift tells the client nothing new for the same reason.

How to give a client a gift that means something

List the gifts you give. Mark each one that every client gets on the same date each year, such as a holiday gift or a birthday card. Do not start a new gift of that kind. If clients already count on one, keep it going, or replace it in the same moment with something from your own work. Either way, do not rely on it to show a client that you listened.
When a client mentions something they love or have long wanted, write it down. Put it on the page you keep on the client, with the date. Listen for a love or a wish rather than a need, because a need belongs in the work itself. That is the course’s suggestion. For example, a tutor might write that a student’s father collected stamps as a boy and still keeps the album.
Choose a moment that belongs to the client or the work. It might be the end of a job, a move, a homecoming, or a first day. Avoid the holidays, when most businesses give. For example, a private chef might choose the last dinner before the family’s new baby arrives.
Choose the gift from the remark, and spend only what that gift costs. Do not add to the price to make it look generous. For example, a florist’s client might have mentioned her grandmother’s sweet peas. The florist can bring a jar of them with the first delivery of the season.
Give the gift with one short sentence about it. Leave out “I remember you said,” and leave out any request. For example, a home organizer can write on the card, “For your first Sunday in the new kitchen.”
After a gift lands, do not give that client the same kind of gift again on a set date. Give the next one when another remark meets another moment. For example, an event planner whose client loved a framed seating chart from her daughter’s wedding does not send one every anniversary.

Next: You will see where acting on what you know about a client stops feeling like attention and starts to feel like presumption.