Your Next Family Knows the One You Work For

Imagine a household assistant named Honora Kask who works for the Wilmots on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays. She runs Mrs. Wilmot’s calendar and mail, does the errands, and picks up Phoebe and Arlo from school on those days. She is at the gate by ten past three. On Tuesdays she has the swim bags, and the signed field trip forms go in on the day they are due.

Mrs. Harlow’s two boys are in the same classes, and she has watched Honora at the gate since September. In March, she asks, “Do you have any time free? I need someone on Thursdays, and you’re the most organized person at this gate.” Honora has Thursdays free, and she is pleased. “I’d love to,” she says. She starts with the Harlows the next week, and she says nothing to Mrs. Wilmot, because Thursday is her own day.

Two weeks later, at the school’s spring fair, Mrs. Harlow thanks Mrs. Wilmot. “Honora has saved my Thursdays. I hope you don’t mind sharing her.” This is the first Mrs. Wilmot has heard of it. She says, “Of course,” and changes the subject. Her assistant opens her mail and keeps her calendar. Now she also works for a mother Mrs. Wilmot sees at school every week.

Mrs. Wilmot keeps Honora on. In June, her sister, Mrs. Mabry, asks whether Honora has a Friday free. “She’s very busy these days,” Mrs. Wilmot says. Mrs. Mabry hires someone else.

Suppose instead that Honora answers Mrs. Harlow at the gate this way. “I’d love to, and Thursdays are free. Mrs. Wilmot will see me here with your boys, so I’d like to tell her before I start. Is that all right?” Mrs. Harlow says it is.

That evening, Honora tells Mrs. Wilmot. “Mrs. Harlow has asked me to help her on Thursdays, from next week. Your three days stay exactly as they are. I don’t talk about your house in hers, or about hers in yours.” Mrs. Wilmot says, “Good for you. She’s needed someone all year.”

At the spring fair, Mrs. Harlow thanks Mrs. Wilmot for sharing Honora, and Mrs. Wilmot laughs. In June, Mrs. Mabry asks whether Honora has a Friday free. Mrs. Wilmot gives her Honora’s number.

Honora did the same work at the gate both times, and that work is why Mrs. Harlow asked. What changed was how Mrs. Wilmot heard. In the first version, she heard it at the fair, from another mother. Her own assistant now worked for a mother she sees at school every week. In the second, she heard it from Honora first. Her own days were unchanged, and she had Honora’s word that neither house would hear about the other. So she gave Honora’s name to the next person who asked.

When a family that knows one you work for asks for you, tell the family you work for before you start. Here is why the next family often lives this close. Then you will hear from an organizer, a pet sitter, and an estate manager.

Neighbors and other parents see the part of the work done outside the house

Here is the course’s view of how work inside a home brings the next family. Most of the work happens behind the front door, where only the family sees it. A few parts happen where other people can see them. They include the school run and the walk down the street with the dogs. They also include your car outside the same house every Tuesday, and a playroom that other children play in.

The people who see those parts are the family’s neighbors and the other parents at its school. They meet the family in the same few places where households compare notes about who they use. Some of them ask the family about you. Others, like Mrs. Harlow, ask you directly, because they have watched you work for months. Either way, they arrive already trusting you.

The same people also hear what you say about the family. At the gate and on the street, someone will ask where the family is going for spring break. Someone else will ask why the car has been gone all week. They hear your answer too, and giving the same answer every time is part of what the next family judges you by.

Taking the next family puts you inside two houses that see each other

Once you work for both, each family has given you its keys, its calendar, or its children. Each will see you at the other’s door, or at the gate with the other’s children. Here is the course’s suggestion, and its reason. Tell the family you work for before your first day in the other house. A family that hears the news from a neighbor learns something about its own household from someone outside it. It may then wonder what else passes between the two houses.

The new family’s business is its own, too. So ask the new family first whether you may tell the family you already work for. The same goes for the friend who sent you a client. That friend hears only what the new client agrees to.

What you tell the family you work for is short. Say the new family’s name and the day. Say that the family’s own days stay as they are, and that you keep each house’s business to that house. The last part tells the family what happens to what you see, now that you work across the road too.

The days matter as well. A family that loses a day to its neighbor can see who took it. So give the new family only days you have free. Keep only as many families as you can see to yourself.

An organizer tidied playrooms on play dates, and other parents began to call

Barbara Reich is a professional organizer in New York who works with high-end clients. In July 2017, Mann About Town profiled her. Her organizing became a career after she had twins. “I’d go on play dates with them and I’d reorganize the play room or the sitting room,” she said. “If you’re the person who does that, you become very popular.”

At the same time, friends and friends of friends called her. They wanted to learn her routines, so they could manage their own children and households better. The business itself started through a friend from her years as a management consultant. That friend suggested Reich to a friend who wanted his home office set up. From there, the profile says, her business grew by word of mouth among “well-to-do Manhattanites.”

Measured against this lesson, the other parents saw what Reich could do before she charged anyone. They saw it on play dates, in rooms they knew. So the first calls came from people who had seen what she could do. In this trade, the parents whose children play with your clients’ children can see your work in the same way. They might be the ones who call.

A pet sitter came home, and the neighbors she had sat for hired her again

Adina Silberstein runs Queenie’s Pets, a dog-walking and pet-sitting business in Philadelphia. It serves Mount Airy, the neighborhood where she grew up, and three neighborhoods nearby. In June 2012, WHYY profiled her. Growing up, she was known among her neighbors for her love of animals, and they often asked her to pet-sit. She kept doing it through college, whenever she came home for the holidays.

After college, she worked in New Orleans, and then she came back to Mount Airy. The people she had pet-sat for in high school and college told her, “You’re back. Great!” They asked her to start again. In 2005, a friend dared her to make it her job. Within four months, she grew from 23 clients to 60.

Some families stayed for years. In 2012, a client of five years moved to France and wanted to keep Queenie’s Pets. The client flew her to Paris for two weeks, to walk the dog, Alfredo. “The power of word-of-mouth in a community that you love can create,” she said, “and it created my dream.”

Measured against this lesson, Silberstein’s first clients had watched her look after the pets on their own street for years. When she came back, they did not need to ask anyone about her. So on a street, your next family may be one that has watched you come and go next door for years.

An estate manager’s employer suggested he help her friends

Christopher Milu runs MCM Estate Management Services, which manages several households at once. In April 2022, the Easemakers Podcast, a podcast for estate managers, talked with him. The notes the podcast wrote for the episode say how his company started. At the time, Milu worked for an employer, whom the notes call his principal.

In the notes’ words, “when his principal suggested he help some of her friends while she was traveling, his career took an unexpected turn.” Today, the notes say, his company manages several principals and several properties, along with other private service professionals.

Measured against this lesson, the suggestion came from the family Milu worked for. So his principal knew from the start, because she sent him to her friends herself. The next family may find you at the gate or on the street instead. Then the family you work for has not been told. The telling is yours.

Why moving one family’s day to fit the next goes wrong

Imagine a housekeeper named Ilona Novak who has cleaned for the Caddicks every Tuesday and Friday for four years. Mrs. Lowery lives across the road. She has seen Ilona’s car outside the Caddicks’ house every Tuesday. Mrs. Caddick has told her that Ilona has not missed a week in four years. In April, Mrs. Lowery stops Ilona on the sidewalk. “Could you do Tuesdays for me? It’s the only day I’m out.”

Ilona’s week is full, apart from Thursday afternoons. She is in a hurry, and she does not want to lose a house on a street where she already parks. That evening, she asks Mrs. Caddick, “Would you mind moving to Wednesdays? A new client can only do Tuesdays.” Mrs. Caddick says that is fine.

Wednesday is the day Mrs. Caddick works from home, so now she works around the vacuum. Every Tuesday, she sees Ilona’s car outside Mrs. Lowery’s house instead of her own. In the autumn, a friend asks Mrs. Caddick about her housekeeper. “She’s good,” Mrs. Caddick says, “but the Lowerys come first now.” The friend asks someone else.

Ilona asked before she changed anything, which was right. Her mistake was asking the family she already had to make room for the new one. Mrs. Caddick agreed, and then she lost her Tuesday to a neighbor she sees every day.

The version that works keeps the Caddicks’ days as they are. “I’d love to,” Ilona tells Mrs. Lowery, “but Tuesdays are taken. I could do Thursday afternoons.” Mrs. Lowery takes Thursdays. With Mrs. Lowery’s permission, Ilona tells Mrs. Caddick that she will be across the road on Thursdays. The Caddicks’ days stay the same. In the autumn, Mrs. Caddick gives Ilona’s name to her friend.

Telling the family you work for is not asking its permission

Many people who work in homes feel that their free days are their own business. Telling a family about another job can feel like asking its permission. It can also seem to invite the family to object.

What you tell the family is news, not a question. By the time Honora spoke to Mrs. Wilmot, Mrs. Harlow had agreed, and Thursday was settled. Honora was telling Mrs. Wilmot what the change meant for the Wilmots, which was nothing. She said it before Mrs. Wilmot could see the Harlow boys with her at the gate.

If the family has a worry, it can raise it then. That is before your first day in the other house, and not at the spring fair. Milu’s principal sent him to her friends herself. A family that hears the news from you first can do the same, as Mrs. Wilmot did for her sister.

How to take on the next family from the same street or school

1. For each family you work for, write down where people outside the house see your work, and who sees it. Then make those the parts of the work you do not let slip. That is the course’s suggestion, because those are the parts the next family judges you by. For example, a house manager might write that the doorman and two neighbors see him let in every contractor. He is in the lobby five minutes before each one arrives.
2. When a neighbor or another parent asks about your work, give your number and one sentence about what you do. If anyone asks about one of your families, turn the talk back to the person asking, or to the work. That includes your other families. For example, a housekeeper asked how the family across the road keeps its kitchen so tidy can say, “I only talk about the kitchen I’m standing in. Shall I do your oven this week?”
3. Before you say yes to a new family, look at your week. Offer only the days and hours you have free, and do not move a family you already work for to make room. For example, an organizer can say, “My Mondays and Tuesdays are taken. I could start on a Thursday in May.”
4. If the new family knows a family you work for, ask the new family whether you may tell that family. Give your reason. For example, a pet sitter can say, “The Tennants will see me at your door. I’d like to tell them I’m looking after your cats as well. Is that all right?”
5. Then tell the family you work for before your first day in the other house. Say the new family’s name and the day. Say that the family’s own days stay as they are, and that you keep each house’s business to that house. For example, a dog walker can say, “The Vickerys have asked me to walk their spaniel at one. Your walks at eleven stay as they are, and I don’t talk about one house in the other.”

Next: The elective for home organizers and others who work inside private homes ends here. The next is for event planners and creatives. It starts with what wealthy clients want from an event.