How to Recover a Meeting That Is Going Wrong

Imagine an event planner named Noor Haddad who meets Mr. and Mrs. Beaumont at their house in February. They will have been married 40 years in June. Mrs. Beaumont’s message asked about “a party for the anniversary.” Noor has brought a plan she is proud of. It is a dinner for 150 in the ballroom at the Halloway Hotel, with a band. The cake comes from the bakery that made their wedding cake.

Ten minutes in, Mr. Beaumont puts the photos down. “We said family,” he says. “This is a wedding.” Mrs. Beaumont looks at the table.

Noor has another meeting at four, and she knows the plan is a good one. So she keeps going. “A lot of couples feel that way at first,” she says. “Once the band starts, they’re glad of every guest.” She shows the ballroom set for dinner, and she gives the price, $38,000. Mr. Beaumont says that they will talk it over. In March, Mrs. Beaumont writes that the family will have dinner at a restaurant they like. Her son is arranging it.

Suppose instead that Noor stops when Mr. Beaumont puts the photos down. She closes the folder. “I think I’ve gone the wrong way,” she says. “What did you have in mind?”

Mr. Beaumont is quiet for a moment. “Our children and the grandchildren,” he says. “Twenty-two people, at one table, where we can hear each other.” Mrs. Beaumont adds that she would like it somewhere other than a hotel.

Noor has no plan for 22 in her folder, so she does not try to make one up at the table. “Then let me come back on Thursday with two rooms for 22, and a price for each,” she says. “I’ll leave the hotels out.” She thanks them and leaves. On Thursday, she brings a private room at a vineyard an hour away and the library of a country inn. The Beaumonts choose the vineyard, and they book her that afternoon.

Noor offered the same planning both times. What changed was what she did once the meeting turned. In the first version, she answered Mr. Beaumont with more of her plan. So the plan became something he had to argue with. In the second, she made three moves. She stopped presenting, asked one direct question, and ended the meeting with a day to come back. Here is when each move fits, and why it works.

In a meeting that is going wrong, the client says it out loud

A client who is quietly holding back shows it in small signs. Then an open question about what they want finds out why. A meeting that is going wrong is louder. The client has said something that tells you your plan, or the meeting itself, has gone off course. Here is what that can sound like:

The client says that your plan is not what they asked for, such as “We said family.”
The client says, in a short voice, that you have covered something already, such as “We’ve been over that.”
Two partners disagree in front of you about whether they want the work at all.
The client starts to end the meeting early, such as “Look, we’ll think about it.”

The list is the course’s own, and here is the reason. Each one is the client telling you in words that the meeting is not giving them what they came for. Because the client has said it, you do not need to wait for a second sign.

Often the turn starts on your side. You may have misheard what the client wanted, as Noor did, or talked past a point the client thought was settled. Either way, the client knows the meeting has turned. What you do next decides whether they leave with a no.

Three moves for a meeting that has turned

The three moves below are the course’s suggestion, and each one has its reason.

Stop presenting. Finish your sentence, put down whatever is in your hands, and go no further with the plan. Every minute more of a plan the client has just turned down is a minute they spend arguing with it. Noor’s “A lot of couples feel that way” answered Mr. Beaumont with an argument. So he had to defend what he said, and he did it by leaving.

Ask one direct question. Say in one sentence that the meeting has gone off course, and ask the client what you missed. “I think I’ve gone the wrong way. What did you have in mind?” is one way to say it. Name your own part, and leave the client’s mood out of it. “You seem upset” puts their mood on the table, and the client has to deal with that before anything else. If something on your side was wrong, name it once and leave out how it happened. Then hold the quiet until the client answers.

End the meeting well, and come back later. Sometimes the answer shows that the plan has to be rebuilt, or that one partner is not ready. Then end the meeting before it ends in a no. Say what you will bring back and on which day, thank the client, and go. A client who has said no to your face has to go back on it to hire you later. When you return, bring a plan built from what the client told you. That plan is something new for them, and it shows that your question was meant.

The order has a reason too. Stopping comes first, because nothing you say lands while you are halfway through a plan the client has turned down. The question comes next, because you cannot fix what has not been said. Ending the meeting is for when the answer cannot be met at the table.

This is different from settling the small choices on another day with a tired client. A tired client still wants the plan, and the decision to hire you can be made in the meeting. In a meeting that has turned, the plan itself has to change before the client can decide.

A Baltimore broker asked one plain question at the door, and the buyers made an offer

Margaret Rome is a real estate broker in Baltimore, Maryland. In June 2007, she wrote on ActiveRain about a showing at one of her new listings. Another agent arrived with his buyers. “The first thing he said was, ‘This is just too small. There’s no way they will have any interest,’” she writes. He was not even going to let his buyers come in.

Rome did not argue that the house was big enough. She asked whether, since they were already there, they would come in and take a look around.

They came in. Rome agreed that it was a small house, “but did you see the family room which can be a third bedroom or guest room?” she asked. She asked whether they had seen the size of the yard and the hot tub, and the pull-down stairs to the attic.

“The buyers fell in love with the house,” she writes. They wrote a contract over the asking price, with no contingencies. “At first, the agent was not happy with me, but now he sings my praises.”

Rome’s turn came at the door with another agent’s buyers, and the step to your own meeting is the course’s own. What carries over is her first question. The agent had said the house was too small, and an argument would have made him defend that. Rome asked one plain question instead, and it gave the buyers a chance to look again. Her next questions pointed the buyers to the rooms and the yard, so they were her presentation in the form of questions. They worked because the buyers were inside by then and wanted to hear it. So ask your direct question before you present anything more.

A caterer lost an event, offered the client a recipe anyway, and won their business later

Michael Attias sells software to caterers and writes about how caterers win work. In November 2015, he wrote about the catering jobs he has lost. “There are many times I have lost out on a catering job, but have come back to get it,” he writes.

He remembers a story told by the late Michael Roman of Catersource, about an event Roman bid on and did not win. Roman “still offered to share a recipe to make sure the event was a success.” Attias writes, “That nicety earned him their business down the road.”

At a seminar Attias ran, a caterer told the group what he does when he loses a bid. “He would call the client within days of their event,” Attias writes. “He wanted to know how the event went.”

Roman’s conversation ended in a lost bid, not in a meeting that turned. What carries over to your meeting is how he left. He left the client with help, and he asked for nothing. The caterer at the seminar came back within days, and his question was about the client’s event, not his bid. Leave a meeting that has turned the same way. Leave with thanks and a day to return, and come back with something meant for the client.

Why coming back with the same plan goes wrong

Imagine a tutor named Rafael Benning who meets Mr. and Mrs. Ferrante about their son, Luca, who is 16. Rafael sets out his usual plan. It is two sessions a week for the school year, with a month on study habits first, at $180 a session. Mrs. Ferrante stops him. “He doesn’t need study habits,” she says. “He needs to pass chemistry in May.”

Rafael has learned the three moves. He stops and asks, “I think I’ve gone the wrong way. What did you have in mind?” Mrs. Ferrante says, “Twelve weeks, the exam topics, and nothing else.” Mr. Ferrante looks at his watch. Rafael says that he will come back on Monday with a plan, thanks them, and leaves.

He has three students on Saturday, so on Monday he brings his usual plan with a new first page that says “Exam preparation.” Inside, there are still two sessions a week and the month on study habits. Mrs. Ferrante turns to the second page and closes the folder. She hires a tutor who offered 12 weeks of past exam papers.

Rafael stopped, asked, and ended the meeting with a day to come back. His mistake was what he brought back. His question told the Ferrantes that he had heard them. The old plan with a new cover told them that he had not.

The version that works is built from Mrs. Ferrante’s own sentence. “Twelve weeks to the exam,” Rafael says. “One session a week on the topics he finds hardest, and a past paper every other Saturday. It’s $180 a session.” Mrs. Ferrante asks whether he could start on Thursday. Rafael says that he could, and she books him.

Stopping in the middle is not giving up the client

Stopping halfway, and saying that you went the wrong way, can feel like admitting the meeting is lost. Ending it early can feel like walking away from a client you could still win.

The client already knows the meeting has turned, because the client is the one who said so. Mr. Beaumont put the photos down before Noor said a word. Going on is what lost him in the first version. Rome’s question took one sentence, and the buyers who nearly stayed outside wrote an offer over the asking price. Roman lost the event and still won the client’s business later. A meeting you end with a day to return is not over.

How to recover a meeting that is going wrong

Before your next first meeting, write your direct question at the top of your notes, in your own words. For example, a coach can write, “I think I’ve gone the wrong way. What did you have in mind?”
A client may say out loud that the plan or the meeting is not what they wanted. Then finish your sentence and stop presenting. Close the folder or put down the samples. Do not answer with a reason your plan is right.
Ask your direct question, and then hold the quiet until the client answers. Name your own part, and leave the client’s mood out. For example, a florist can say, “I think I’ve misheard what you want for the church. What did you picture?” She does not say, “You seem disappointed.”
If you can meet the answer at the table, answer it with a fact or a change. Then carry on from what the client said, and set the rest of your old plan aside. For example, a dog walker whose client does not want group walks can say, “Then it’s Rufus on his own, at noon, for an hour.”
If the answer means the plan has to be rebuilt, end the meeting. Say what you will bring back and the day, thank the client, and leave. Do not offer a discount or a last pitch on the way out. For example, a private chef can say, “Let me come back on Tuesday with a week of menus built on what you’ve just told me. Thank you for telling me.”
On that day, bring a plan built from the client’s own words, not your old plan with a new name. Before you go, check each part of it against what the client said in the meeting.

Next: You will see why a round price carries more weight with a client than one a few dollars short of it.