Write Three Behaviors Instead of Resolutions
Name the moment, what you do, and the words, so a camera could record it.
Imagine a personal trainer named Lucian Ashby who trains clients in their homes in the mornings, for a fee by the month. In January, he does the check of his last three clients.
His marks fall in two parts of his work. Under his price, he finds two new clients who paid less than his fee. Each one paused at the fee, and he offered a lower figure. Under the words he uses, he finds that his last three welcome emails call the training a “package.”
So Lucian writes three resolutions on a card and puts it on his fridge. The card says, “Stop giving discounts. Be more confident about my price. Sound more professional in my emails.”
On February 10, Mrs. Penrose asks about training on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. Lucian tells her, “It’s $1,400 a month, for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at seven.” Mrs. Penrose says, “Oh. That’s more than I expected.”
Lucian remembers his card, and he waits a moment so that he looks confident. The quiet goes on. Then he says, “I could do $1,200 if you sign up for six months.” Mrs. Penrose books at $1,200. That afternoon, his welcome email tells her that her training package starts Monday.
In April, Mrs. Penrose tells her neighbor, Mr. Kestrel, what she pays. Mr. Kestrel calls Lucian and asks for the same $1,200. Lucian cannot think of a reason to say no, so he agrees.
At the end of April, Lucian takes the card off the fridge. He gave Mrs. Penrose a discount, so he knows he broke the first resolution. He cannot tell whether he kept the other two, because the card does not say what “more confident” looks like.
Suppose instead that Lucian writes three behaviors on the card. Each one names a moment with a client and what he will do when it comes. Where he will say or write something, the card gives the words:
- When a client says my fee is more than they expected, I say, “It’s a big decision.” Then I say the fee again in the same words, and I stop.
- When a client asks for a discount, I say no and give the reason in one sentence. I say, “The fee is the same for every client, however long they train.”
- Before I send any email about the fee, I search it for “package” and “deal.” I change them to “fee” and “agreement”.
On February 10, Lucian tells Mrs. Penrose, “It’s $1,400 a month, for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at seven.” She says that is more than she expected. Lucian says, “It’s a big decision, choosing who comes to your house three mornings a week.” Then he says it again. “It’s $1,400 a month, for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at seven.” He stops.
Mrs. Penrose asks, “Is there anything off if I sign up for six months?” “No,” Lucian says. “The fee is the same for every client, however long they train.” She books from March 3 at $1,400, and his welcome email calls it her fee. In April, she tells Mr. Kestrel what she pays, and Mr. Kestrel asks Lucian whether he has a Tuesday morning free.
Lucian knew the same lessons both times, and both cards aimed at the same changes. What changed is when he decided what to say. With the first card, he decided in Mrs. Penrose’s living room, while she waited. So he said what he had said to the last two clients who paused.
With the second card, he decided at his kitchen table in January. In the living room, there was nothing left to decide. At the end of April, he can also check the second card against his sent emails and his notes from each meeting. He can count the times he did each one.
So turn the one or two parts you chose into three behaviors like Lucian’s. Here is what makes something a behavior, why the course stops at three, and how to write yours.
A behavior names the moment, what you do, and the words
Here is the course’s view of why a resolution fails in front of a client. A resolution such as “be more confident about my price” says how you want to come across. It leaves the decision about what to do for the moment itself. In that moment, a client is waiting, and you may be nervous. So you decide the way you did before, because the old answer comes back under pressure.
A behavior makes that decision ahead of time, at your desk. It has three pieces.
The moment is something that happens with a client. It might be a question, a pause, or an email you are about to send. Start the behavior with it, as in “When a client asks for a discount” or “Before I send a quote.” Then you will recognize the moment when it comes.
What you do is something a camera could record. “Be more confident” fails that test, because a camera cannot film a feeling. “Stop giving discounts” fails it too. A camera cannot film you not doing something, so write what you will do instead.
The words are the exact sentences you will say or write, if the behavior has any. Write them out in full. With the words on the card, nothing is left to decide while the client waits.
The camera test also tells you whether you can check a behavior. If a camera could record it, your records can usually show it too. A sent email shows whether you wrote “fee.” A note after a meeting shows whether you said your price once and stopped. So at the end of each week, you can count the times you did it.
What a resolution and a behavior look like in the other four parts
Lucian’s card covered his price and his words. The table gives a resolution and a behavior for each of the other four parts of the check. Each behavior links to the lesson that teaches it.
| Part of your work | A resolution | A behavior |
|---|---|---|
| Who your work is for, and what you sell | “Be clearer about who I work for.” | When someone asks a home organizer what she does, she names the kind of client who hires her. She says, “I set up the new house for families who are moving.” |
| How you come across | “Sound more sure of myself.” | Before an interior designer sends an email with a recommendation, she deletes the softening in front of it. She also deletes any “does that make sense?” after it. |
| Whether clients can count on you | “Be more honest about what clients need.” | Before every quote, a florist asks herself whether a smaller job would do. When it would, she says, “You need flowers on the tables, not on the staircase too.” |
| What you do with your nerves | “Feel calmer before big meetings.” | On the morning of a first meeting, a tutor stands up and says her price aloud three times. She says, “It’s $2,600 for the spring, twice a week.” Then she stops preparing. |
Choose three, by how often their moments come
Your check may have found six or seven marks, and three behaviors can feel like too few. Here is the course’s reason for three. Each behavior asks you to notice a moment while a client is in front of you. Then it asks you to do something new in that moment.
Three are enough to give each part you chose at least one behavior. They are also few enough to keep in mind in a client’s living room. You can check all of them in a few minutes on Friday.
Choose the three by how often their moments come. A behavior gets done only when its moment comes. So a behavior whose moment comes with every new client, such as quoting your fee, gets practice every week. One whose moment comes twice a year gets practice twice a year.
The marks you leave out are not lost. Write them on a second page, in the order you will take them up. Keep each behavior until it has happened every time its moment came, four weeks running. Then replace it with the next one on that page. The course suggests four weeks for a reason. A moment that comes once a week then gets four chances, so one good week does not decide it.
Why a behavior for every mark goes wrong
Imagine an event planner named Philippa Crane who plans dinners and parties for families in their homes. She does the check in March, and her marks fall under her words and her nerves. There are nine of them. Philippa is thorough, so she writes a behavior for each one. Every one names its moment and its words, and a camera could record any of them.
She pins the page of nine above her desk. In April, she has four parties in three weeks. She reads the page on Mondays, and by Thursday she remembers two or three of the nine.
On April 22, Mrs. Lockhart asks about a dinner for 10, for her husband’s 60th birthday. Behavior number six on the page is to quote her new price to every new client, whatever the size of the job. Philippa does not think of it. The dinner is small, so she quotes her old price of $1,800, and Mrs. Lockhart books.
In June, Mrs. Lockhart’s sister, Mrs. Ashdown, asks Philippa to plan an engagement party for 80. When Philippa quotes her new price, Mrs. Ashdown says that Mrs. Lockhart paid much less. Mrs. Ashdown hires another planner.
Philippa’s mistake was writing a behavior for every mark. Each of the nine passed the camera test. Still, nine are more than anyone keeps in mind between four parties. So the behavior that mattered for Mrs. Lockhart’s dinner was on the wall, not in Philippa’s head.
The version that works keeps three, the ones whose moments come with every new client. Her first is to quote her new price to every new client. The second is to follow up on a proposal only on the date she gave. The third is to leave out the sorry at a first meeting when nothing has gone wrong. The other six go on a second page.
On April 22, she quotes Mrs. Lockhart her new price of $2,400 for the dinner for 10. Mrs. Lockhart books. In June, Mrs. Ashdown hears the same price, and she books the engagement party.
How to write your three behaviors
- Open the page from your check, with the one or two parts you chose. Under each part, list the questions you marked.
- For each marked question, write the moment it comes up with a client. Start with “When” or “Before.” For example, a wedding photographer might write, “When a couple asks whether the price is flexible.”
- Choose the three moments that come up most often, with at least one in each part you chose. Write the rest on a second page, in the order you will take them up.
- After each moment, write what you will do, so that a camera could record it. Where you will say or write something, give the words. For example, a coach might write, “Before I send a proposal, I write the date I will write again at the bottom: ‘I will write on the 14th.’”
- Test each behavior. If it describes a feeling, or what you will stop doing, rewrite it as what you will do. For example, a private chef who wrote “Stop over-explaining my menus” rewrites it as “When a client asks about a dish, I answer what she asked, and I stop there.”
- Next to each behavior, write the record that will show you did it. Where no record exists, make one with a sentence in your calendar after each meeting. For example, a dog walker might write after each first meeting whether he said his price once.
- Put the three where you will see them before the moment comes. That might be the card you take to meetings, or the top of your quote template. If a behavior is words you will say to a client’s face, practice them with a colleague first.
- Every Friday, check each behavior against its record. Count how many times its moment came and how many times you did it. When one has happened every time for four weeks running, replace it with the top question on your second page.
Next: You will see how people finish this course and still stall.